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hello there . so , yes tomorrow is labour day and its a public day and i dont have any school so i just thought , why not update my blog when i have the time ? :-)
so yes , i have just had this thought pondering in my head for a pretty pretty long time and the thing is , i couldn't really tell anyone because im afraid if i do say face to face , they wouldn't , understand .
So , am i the only one who from time to time , wished i had .. cancer ? Yes , i know , seems absurd . But i don't know , maybe if i had cancer .. people would actually CARE about my existence and they would actually start noticing me , not in a bad way tho . Like the thing is , you get to know when you're dying , and right now , maybe just right now , i think that is really wonderful espeicially at the point of life when you just don't want to live anymore , ya feel me ? All the pain , all the sorrows , just lost instantly like that . I know , this probably sounds sadistic . But the thing about cancer that just sounded so appealing was the fact that , you actually become so skinny , and really thats all i ever wanted , i dont give a fuck if my bones are showing and protruding , so long as im not fat , so long as im near perfection . sorry . my self esteem desires can get really ..
Yupp , and i want people speaking at my funeral to prepare a funny eulogy so that when im up in heaven . id just go like ' those bastards ' hahahhaha



I HOPE YOU DONT THINK IM SADISTIC OR ANYTHING
x , jyoti . ☺