life is a blur ..

hello people  who actually read my blog , and I do thank you for that , hahah .

anyways , as usual , life is just a mess and I can't really figure out my purpose and aims . 

these few days I'm always too occupied with either school or work that I hardly have time to think

and when I am finally free , like I am now , I think  , in fact I think way too much to the extent it's harmful .

these days I have been thinking of rather stupid things like , hmm say I have been considering the wrong people as friends and the one that are truly the friends I have actually been chucking aside . 

I call people best friend , but are they really ? are they really my best friends ? best friends meaning the best i can ever have , best best and nothing but the best ? if that is so , why doesn't it feel like it ? how come they don't love me and appreciate me as much as I do to them ...

it's so childish and immatured of me to think this way but hey I really needed a platform to express my inner thoughts which I couldn't tell anyone , ironically ..

anyways , there have been Highs in my life which god , it was probably the best thing god has ever done for me and I THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT , LIKE REALLY I NEEDED THAT ..

There's Noah , and god , I think I actually may be in love with like him a lot , his words and all ..

how they keep me up at night , replaying the thoughts over and over and over till finally sleep consumes me wholly 

and then there is the M1 Fringe Festival 2014 where we would be presenting our SYF plays , I absoloutely CANNOT wait :-) 

What an honour and privilege .. really .

but ah well , SJI is gonna be there sobs , tHAT MEANS AARON HAN IS GONNA BE THERE TOO , LIKE DUUUUUDE CAN YOU FEEL THE PAIN / EMBARRASSMENT / IDEK 

let me just blend in with my shadow plz plz plz

but i'm just gonna act really cool and have that ' whatevrrrrr like who are you even ' attitude hehe 

okay it seems legit la k 

or maybe not but whatevrrrrr

the previous week i was pretty depressed and shit bc I had this really teensy weensy  crush on a guy from my work , Han Ping . But ... he's 22 .. and he's done with his National Service and all that crap , making him a man , you see .. so I didn't really want him to know bc we had an age gap of 7 years and besides it's not like it would ever happen whaaaaat ..

but whenever he was near , my cheeks would flush and my face would be all hot and crap , and I could actually feel butterflies in my stomach .

anyways , he asked for my friend's number and that actually made me cry like a dweeb during work , I FEEEEL SO RETARDED :-((

and just that week I had a breakdown during work for other reasons , and I cried for like ummm 2 hours ? fuck man . 

I was finally getting over that asking of number thing and then he decided to take her out on a date , ha ha ha and it would have been much better if my friend wasn't the ' hey look i really pity you and i will date him for your sake but since my other friends told me to go , i will oh and i will also constantly keep sending photos of us on our date in the whatsapp group and be totally oblivious of you and your feelings ' .. it would be MUCH better but she isn't so , sucks to be me .

So well that sucked but , i'm like heck totally over that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so screw you :-)

and I am totally head over heels with MDP's new album heheheh :-)

so that's all for this season of Keeping up with Jyoti , see you next week ;)

x , jyoti .